The power of positive thinking!

11 things worse than my job:
1. Being crucified (I mean this in the literal sense, not the figurative way society has crucified me because they're jealous of my perpetual motion machine).
2. Having someone shit in your mouth while someone else shits on your bare stomach simultaneously.
3. All your good relatives die in a tragic plane/car/tugboat/orangutan accident, and you have to spend every holiday with the ones you don't like.
4. Getting terminal cancer and your least-favorite cousin decides to nurse you back to health.
5. Getting terminal ass cancer.
6. Eating a bucket of chum.
7. You wake up to a bunch of raccoons biting your testicles.
8. The film "The Big Chill."
9. The Barenaked Ladies' entire oeuvre.
10. A punch in the groin from the late Strom Thurmond.
11. Waking up and your groin is completely missing.