Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Monday, October 16, 2006

Caption contest winner

Thank you, contest entrants, for your captions. All your names have been placed in a winter cap, and a winner has been drawn. This month's winner is conorj. Congratulations, conorj!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Nostalgia night

It was nostalgia night at the Dr. Mystery/Spacebeer Household. I busted out the cassettes. First, Steve Martin's "Let's Get Small," dubbed off my uncle's vinyl copy in junior high. Second, a comedy tape my friends and I made when we were 14, intentionally funny at the time, unintentionally funny now. Our only topical target, Saddam Hussein. Other targets: George Bush I, Dan Quayle, Madonna, New Kids on the Block, Colin Powell (whom I refer to as Colin Wilson for some reason), Milli Vanilli, Vanilla Ice, Andrew Dice Clay, the reanimated corpse of the freshly dead Sam Kinison, Clarence Thomas, and virginity. Third, a tape my mother sent me of me at age 4 and 6, and my brother at age 1 and 3. We had some pretty kickass jokes at those tender ages.
My brother's favorite joke at age three: "I'm going to tell you something real you like (fart noise). I'm going to tell you something real I like (fart noise)."
My favorite jokes at age 4, (the last one was invented by me):
"What crawls and goes ding-dong? A wounded Avon lady.
Where do sheep get their hair cut? At the baa-baa shop.
Why did the rabbit go to the baa-baa shop? Because he couldn't find a rabbit cut-hair place."
It's all been downhill from there.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Suck City

I waste so much time and energy being a goddamn sadsack. Please don't follow this recipe:
1) Quit an unfulfilling job
2) Spend a year doing nothing
3) Get a new job that makes the unfulfilling old one look like a party at Freddy Mercury's house c. Queen's heyday
4) Apply for, and get interviewed for, a dream job that sure as hell won't solve all your problems (there are multitudes) but will solve a few very large ones. Needless to say, you are close, but no cigar. The job is given to someone else
5) Have another drink
6) Know that someday, possibly soon, you will be driving to work one morning and will just keep going. Think how hard it will be to find work after that!
7) How do other people do it? How do they get up every day and go to the same place, sometimes for 25 years or more? How much of the little person you were one day do you have to kill to be able to keep showing up?
8) You'd think my conscious efforts to avoid success would prevent failure, but you'd think wrong
9) Why is it so fucking hard just to have a reasonably decent day?
10) Being unemployed was no cakewalk. It grew exponentially stressful as my money ran out, and my days got worse and worse, but I slept well and felt happy at night.
11) My life's ambition is to do nothing, to be idle forever. How many more lawyers and politicians do we need? How many more rock bands? That's right, none.
12) Woe is me, I don't like my job. Shower pity on me.
13) I'm a selfish douchebag. Happy Halloween!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

October caption contest

Leave a caption in comment form under the post and you are automatically entered in a drawing to win a handmade Dr. Mystery compilation CD. Happy Halloween. I know it's only the 5th, but I celebrate Halloween all month long. Bwaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!