Thursday, May 01, 2008

Aw jeez! Gimme a break!

On campus yesterday, a pigeon flying overhead urinated on my arm. I had to duck into the nearest building and take the escalator to the second floor bathrooms while holding my arm in a stiff, awkward, unnatural position so the pissy dribble would remain relatively stable pooled in the crook of my arm and not trickle down, contaminating more of my flesh and dripping on my t-shirt and/or jeans. Sorry I used the word "arm" so much in that sentence, but there aren't too many useful synonyms. Left gun? Foreshank? Upper appendage? Torso-leg? Cannon #1? Hand-post? Lucille? At any rate, even after multiple scrubbings, I still felt my torso-leg was unclean. I didn't feel like Dr. Mystery again until I got home, changed my clothes, and scrubbed my hand-post several more times. Pigeon urine? What kind of jive is that?

By the way, the photo accompanying this post is the first one that popped up when I Google image searched "pigeon urine." The man in the photo is a tannery worker in Morocco, dying hides. The red dye is made of pigeon excrement, acids, and cow urine. I shit you not. Get it? Shit? Am I right? Factoid: The country of Morocco is no relation to retired professional wrestler Magnificent Muraco, who is from Sunset Beach, Hawaii and spells his name differently. His opinions on animal urine are, as yet, unknown.


chewtastic said...

piss has been used for tanning for aeons. gobs of years.

here's a friend's joke: imagine someone who's turning forty soon, a pale redhead, sort of growing the austin gut, delivering it.

does anyone know of a good vet?
[insert responses given in good faith and all seriousness]
[flexes pallid arms with no muscle tone]

Anonymous said...

Not that chocolate thunder was lacking, but this my friend is that rare find: comedy platinum.
"AW JEEZ GIVE ME A BREAK" like "double cheesburger and a cheeseburger" just saying this out loud brings forth a smile.
YoungBuck Invincble