Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Learning to love it

It was a traumatic moment for me when I realized that most adults were every bit as dumb as us kids, and probably dumber. The safety net was gone. Life was a dangerous and supremely unfair game of chance. I think most adults are stupider than children because they stop learning, stop being curious. They get settled in to something and quit thinking about everything else. Keep swimming or die! Be like the shark! If you smell blood, fucking go after it! Yes, I can whip up the exhortations like nobody's business, but do I follow my own advice? Many times, no. Let's take a couple of Sundays ago, for example. I was making some fish chowder, and things were going swimmingly (for more bad puns, email Henry Kissinger at bombthefuckoutofthem@yahoo.com). Unfortunately, the pot boiled over and the water put out the burner. I ladled some water out of the pot and moved it to a different burner (or more accurately, my wife did while I yelled profanities). Unfortunately, the pot boiled over again and put out the pilot light. Instead of cleaning things up and relighting the pilot light, I punched the wall, hard, knocking a painting off the wall, which fell, hard, on top of the thermostat, which broke. My knuckle was also bruised and bloodied. I'm an idiot. But, like Zelmo Swift, I go on. What else can you do? Keep getting out of bed. If my plans succeed, July 2007 will be the last month I ever spend working in an office, and that's something to get out of bed for.


kristykay said...

Dr. Mystery can not keep his cool when the pilot light goes out. He did help me relight it, though.

And the landlords replaced the thermostat without asking any questions, which was great, because who wants to explain that?

Anonymous said...

Doc. Mystery is addicted to rage-ahol. I remember once at a concert Doc. Mystery got pissed and threw a microphone into some guys mouth! Maybe not, but cool visual, no?

--Rip Magazine Reader

Joolie said...

I remember being shocked in my early/mid twenties when I realized I was an adult surrounded by adults, yet everyone, including me, was still acting like a complete jackass half the time. Somehow I had expected something a little more...adult, I guess. But no.

Oh, and I lose my temper in the kitchen a lot, too. Luckily our thermostat is in another part of the house.

Lei-Leen said...

the first girl i met when i got to nerd away-high school had punched a concrete wall at a bar so hard she had broken her hand. (she was from West, Texas.) let that be a lesson to all of us, in that our bodies are temples, and it is much more satisfying to rip the extension pole from an oscillating standing fan and beat the crap out of inanimate objects. not that i would know anything about anger management at all.