Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Woodwind nut gas

I'm not really supposed to read the books I proofread at work for content, but sometimes I just can't help it. Today, I was proofreading a book about landmark alimony cases and one case in particular caught my eye. A woman was suing her ex-husband for massive alimony, in part to compensate for the "extreme mental cruelty" he showed her during their marriage. Examples of the cruelty were pretty basic, with the exception of this one: "incessant and inappropriate passing of gas."

Another book I worked on today was about libel, defamation, and copyright and trademark cases involving celebrities. The book briefly mentioned a lawsuit brought by Woody Allen against some kind of business that used an Allen lookalike in a print advertisement. Here's the good part. They described Allen as a "filmmaker and clarinet entertainer." Hey, everybody! Look at me! I'm a drum entertainer! Since this afternoon, I have had an image in my head of Allen alone in a room full of clarinets, telling jokes, juggling, and doing a little softshoe razzmatazz to his captive audience of woodwinds.

Last week, I proofread a self-defense manual that included pictures of a high-heeled blonde squeezing, kicking, and kneeing the testicles of a bearded assailant. Actually, that might have been from a magazine I keep under the bed. I'll get back to you on that.

4 comments:

kristykay said...

From now on, instead of telling everyone that our marriage is on the rocks, I'm going to tell them that its on the farts. That would be more accurate anyway...

Krouchdog said...

I am in deep doo-doo if "incessant and inappropriate passing of gas" is considered cruel in a court of law. They could send my ass away until my baby's momma is a grandmamma.

what did you say? said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
what did you say? said...

This is sort of a non-sequitor... but I thought you might enjoy this..

http://www.send2press.com/newswire/2006-03-0322-003.shtml