Monday, June 27, 2011

I really wish...

... that bus-sized asteroid would hit the earth tomorrow. That would be a Monday for the ages.

Well, yeah, I'm depressed again. That's always fun for everybody. I'm in the worst physical shape of my life, too, so that's great. The tremendous amount of work I put into getting a second degree and looking for a job and degrading myself as a substitute teacher while I looked for work and the application process to nine grad schools when the economy collapsed? That all turned to shit. I did all that work for nothing. Nothing. And it took all my mojo. I've lost my mojo. My enthusiasm is tapped out. I'm in a band. I like the people in the band and I like the songs they write, but I'm having a hard time getting any pleasure out of playing the drums right now. I'm having a hard time getting any pleasure out of this blog or Twitter. I'm having a hard time getting any pleasure out of anything. I get drunk too often, sit on my ass too much, eat too much late-night garbage food. I get too much sleep three or four days a week and not enough sleep the other days. I'm turning my body into a sack of crap. I get out of bed and it feels like I haven't slept and my knees ache and my feet ache and my head hurts and I'm pissed off.
Here's the plan. The job search is going nowhere, so it can go fuck itself to nowhere. I need to get my health back. I'm going to start sleeping right. I'm going to get up early and get some exercise. I'm going to stop getting drunk. I'm going to stop eating garbage food and eating late at night. I'm going to take my ass off the Internet and read more books. I'm going to unplug myself from the current culture that I despise. I'm going to get my shit together. I'm tired of living like a jerkoff.
One exception to this plan: Two of my friends have an annual Fourth of July party. It is my favorite party of the year. The food is fantastic, the company is great, and the fun is about as fun as fun gets. I had to miss this party the last two summers to attend out-of-town weddings. This year, I am getting drunk as a lord, and I'm going to stuff my face like the world's fattest epicurean. But that's the exception. I want to feel better, and I've got to make some lifestyle changes to make this shit happen. Let's see if I can make it work.

Please excuse this self-indulgent drivel. I post this drivel publicly because I tend to stick to my plans when I make them public on this blog. I put this disclaimer at the end of the post instead of the beginning because fuck you that's why.


Joolie said...

Doing physical activity that you like for a long time almost every day is fucking medicine. On a somewhat related note, we should all go swimming in a nice body of water sometime very soon.

amanda said...

i find that i also stick to shit if i mention it out loud on my blog. a regular sleep schedule and some physical activity sounds pretty boss to me, so maybe i'll try to join you! i did get rid of cable tv in an effort to make this summer more productive. that effectively cuts down on the time i can spend on the couch as well.

Mary P. said...

I agree on the exercise front - exploit the body's natural defense against depression!

I've found implementing a reasonable weekly schedule and accomplishing stuff on my to-do list each day helps me feel more on track and happier with myself. Even if it is just to clean the kitchen, do push ups and make something and water the plants.

We've got your back up here in NE. Here's to better days ahead. Go and kick depression's ass.

AS said...

Getting active, eating well, and getting on a normal routine is great advice for yourself. I always thought I was a night person, but I was mostly just not treating myself well. You can do this thing!

Anonymous said...

My favorite "off-day" work out: Load up a backpack with books (25-30 lbs), walk at a quick pace for about an hour. Stop and read for an hour. Drink a Guinness (the healthy beer). Walk back.

AS said...

DS and I just posted within a minute of each other from different parts of town and with no prior discussion. You are in our brains! Enjoy it.