Sunday, January 02, 2011

Rehearsals for Retirement 3: Depression is the Bandit

Not too interested in the claims I made in the last installment. Don't want to tell you about my problems. I'm really goddamn tired of being depressed, but the limbo (not the dance/beach activity, the other limbo) I'm stuck in will have to be endured until some volcano or admissions office or bow and arrow accident or latest useless employer decides to roll back the ball I tossed their way years or minutes ago. I'm having severe to moderate anxiety and the odd panic attack these recent weeks, though, so that's something. You'd think sorrow and anger would be enough, but I guess it was time to add a little spice. Eat a bowl of dicks, everybody. Goodnight for now. I'm going to refill my bourbon and move over to the movie blog. It seems the year ended (I learned this because I was in a car for a long time in order to hear a lot of small talk from people I don't see much anymore during some vague pagan/Christian/materialist ceremonial hybrid -- it's not all bad, I learned that someday I may have a leather couch and until that day I am human excrement*), and I may have to write a little wrap-up to keep my hands from stabbing my eyes with forks or shoving too much cheese in my mouthhole. I don't understand anything about anything anymore, except that it is not worth doing. Blah blah blah from every hole that can expel something, and remember, kids don't let kids have kids. Goodnight, jerks (said by me while looking into a mirror that faces another mirror).

*I am consumed by the darkness right now, but there were also good things. They will come back to me when I am feeling better.


Anonymous said...

Man, no joke, you need to see a doctor and get on some anti-depressants, TODAY. If you are already on anti-depressants, you need to see your doctor right away and tell them it is not working and you want to try a different kind of medicine.

It is not normal to feel like this.

Anti-depressants are not all the same and they don't act in the same way for all people. I suffered through seven years of intense depression and during that time tried four or five different kinds of anti-depressants before I finally found one that worked for me. Things finally got better for me in 2004 when I found the anti-depressant that worked for me and I haven't felt that way since. I'll keep taking that same medicine until I die as far as I'm concerned.

Seriously, see a doctor.

Anonymous said...

Counseling wouldn't be a bad idea, either.

Things might get better all by themselves, but it is pretty damn unlikely. It is hard to take strong action when you're down but it really is necessary.