Thursday, June 28, 2007

Expletive-Free July


I've faced a hard truth. I swear too much on my blogs. My god, what would my grandmother think if she were ever to stumble across any of this? I lightly season my spoken words with the occasional profanity, and I haven't heavily peppered my speech with trash talk since I was 16, but I swear all the assfucking time on my blogs. So, for the month of July, all three of my blogs will be profanity-free. If any of you catch me in a swear this July, the first person to point this out to me will receive one free taco of their choice (maximum $5 value). Good luck, gang! To prepare for this momentous challenge, I will send June out in a blaze of titty-licking, cock-stroking glory! Here is a maximum-strength profanity blasteroo of pottymouthed keyboardery to work these swears, real and imagined, out of my system:

Fuck
shit
ass
cunt
poo
twat
cock
nutsac
damn
hell
bitch
son-of-a-bitch
son-of-a-thousand-bitches
sex-gorilla
dick
peter-o'toole
cocksman
fuckfart
shit-ass
perineum
asshole
motherfucking titty-sucking two-balled bitch
twat-neck
goddamn
motherfucker
fuckface
cocksucker
dang
bullshit
pussy
balls
butthole
for the love of Mike
jesus christ (name in vain version)
butt-ass
ass-butt
cock-twat
dicknose
boobies
meat and two veg
cacker
bugfuck
pigfuck
rock critic
chi-chis
testicle-tit
snotcrotch
jizz
come
spoo
shitty
queef
fucking asshole
goddammit why the fuck did you do that
christ-humper
whore
pimp
dirty sanchez
mother of all beershits
fatherfucker
facefucker
assfucker
meat and two veg fucker
the ol' one-two-buckle-my-shoe
twizz-jibbler
punani
ding-a-ling
white reggae
jangadwingdwong
cum-guzzler
a film by Kevin Smith
Pennsylvania mustache
horsecock
skullfuck
shitsniffery
damned dirty ape
the Dartmouth Powderball
"the county line"
pubes
nips
dingus
arse
giving them a root
The Gentleman of Independent Means
cherry
cherry pie
The Blueberry Shuffle
"meeting adjourned"
circle jerk
the inimitable Fran Drescher
fucky fuck fuck
bitch-ass
the gigolo's lonely weekend
babyfucker
godfuckingdamnit
the Albuquerque handshake
crap

See you fuckers for the filthiest August yet. Get fucked and die until then, ass-faced blowjob-craving dickweeds! And mention my blog to your young children and elderly parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, as well as your favorite clergyman. July will be family-friendly!

2 comments:

Joolie said...

Yeah! Take that, cuntholes!

(Testicle-tit?)

beef said...

you forgot zach braff