Steve sits quietly in the therapist's office, stroking the hair on his gorilla mask. His therapist, Dr. Jenkins, patiently waits for him to continue speaking. She hopes he will say something about the gorilla mask during this session. He hasn't mentioned it yet, which makes her uncomfortable. She scratches the inside of her palm and looks at her fingernails.
"My father never really understood me," Steve says, finally. "He didn't like ELO. He made me turn down my ELO records when he was at home. He even called them queers once. I mean, come on, 'Livin' Thing?' 'Evil Woman?' 'Mr. Blue Sky?' What's not to like?"
Steve exhales disgustedly. "My old man didn't get it. He didn't understand what life was all about. He'd never survive in the jungle, believe me."
Dr. Jenkins looks up excitedly. This might be the breakthrough we need, she thinks. She's surprised and confused by the horrible sound that immediately follows Steve's statement. The gorilla mask shakes while a series of yelps similar to a dog's burble out from the holes in the mask. Frightened, Dr. Jenkins jumps on top of her desk, holding a paperweight in front of her like a sword.
"Oh my god," she shrieks. "Please don't kill me!"
Steve is oblivious to his therapist's terror. He breaks down into deep, throaty sobs. Dr. Jenkins sits down, puts the paperweight back on the desk, and smooths her skirt. She silently thanks the building's architect for the lack of a window in her office and hopes her secretary hasn't heard her cries. Steve is still weeping intensely.
"I thought being a strong, self-sufficient apeman would be enough," he says between sobs. "But it's not. It's not."
He pauses for several seconds while his sobbing slowly ceases. Then he looks up.
"Goddamnit. I need an apewoman!"
Next week: Steve places a personal ad in a local alternative newsweekly!
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