"We all gotta leave here sometime, and hopefully, it'll be at ninety-five, in our sleep, with a couple of big-booty old ladies feeding us grapes and ice cream." -- Bigg Robb, Roger Troutman's talk box tech
I'm beginning to think my own demise will occur much sooner, possibly next week, slumped over the computer, a mediocre heart implosion smacking me down in the middle of my filling out another pointless job application, surrounded by empty fruit snack wrappers, a half-finished glass of bourbon, three slices of white cheddar, and my own withering, rotting, decomposing self-belief. I'm a minor, mediocre, American failure. I haven't done anything, professionally, and will never do anything, professionally. No one will ever give me another opportunity to prove I can do anything other than take up space until this whole boring, mediocre system collapses and we start eating each other's boring, stupid flesh. Fuck you, and good night.
6 comments:
You are too hard on yourself. You are the only person I know who has fans. Actual fans! And not dumb fans, but smart people. On any measure worth a damn, you are kicking ass.
DS
big-booty old ladies with grapes, ice cream AND tacos. you forgot the tacos. also that you wrote the only non-putrid story i've read in six months, and the only twitter/facebook snark that's actually meaningful and/or funny. so there's that, too. and tacos.
Thanks, guys. Part of that was my typical self-deprecating, crying for compliments, angry profane loner shtick, but part of it is honest fatigue at beating my head against the wall for my entire life.
"Part of me is myself, part of me ain't nothing but a monster."-Two-face (as quoted from my memory of a Daily Nebraskan article)
I know it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks because change and all that has to be on your terms. You've never asked for my advice but that hasn't stopped me in the past...so all I want to say is: quit waiting on other people to give you an opportunity and kick some creative asses and do your own thing!
You've got the thoughtfulness, brains, creativity and humor and (what others have pointed out...) you have the fan base.
Also, say something nice about yourself once in a while - and believe it.
Lastly, please don't demise sooner than ninety-five because I know a lot of people who would be deeply saddened, including me.
I agree with everyone here. You are talented. Completely adored and respected by people who know their shit. And you will probably be happiest making things happen on your own terms. Giving yourself approval is harder than filling out an application, at least that is what I have begrudgingly come to realize in my own "job" search. You have ten thumbs up from me and lots of really great people. Keep doing your thing, and have faith that you will make good things happen for yourself.
-AS
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