Word scramble of delight

Hey, fan(s)!
My wife told me about a web site today that she thought I would like. She was right! It's called That Can Be My Next Tweet!, and all it does is generate new tweets for your Twitter page by scrambling together a random assortment of words you have already tweeted. To make it work, you have to have a public Twitter page or know of someone's public Twitter page you could hijack. It's hours of fun, I tells ye. Here are some accidental gems of absurdist wordsmithery cobbled together from my idiotic, pornographic, obscene, boring tweets:

I would kill your ass off.
I think about Jack LaLanne's dick on fire?
You can't stand near a partially nude Charles Durning.
Hottest new record is the Dick Cheney of shit.
Petting an epic piece of water.
Just found dead after a random assortment of insanely violent street fight
Black landlords collect the blow-dart mishap based on a hotel in the blues.
Hilarious Google mishap based on a 30-year camping trip with such unparalleled insight that occurs twice!
Take my attempt at the beauty of Jack LaLanne's dick on your brains!
I woke up this year.
This burger is going to buy my pants at 4:20. - Paul Reiser, ca. 1992.
Yeah, I'm skydiving and drank three beers.
Jesus, it's going to smoke some slam poetry that time Patti!
Listen up, cunts! Blackberries are nuts! I think they've been mesmerized by Georgia Satellites.
Congratulations, Wisconsin GOP, you can't laugh at all? slap bass solo?
Remember when I say Tom Brokaw just came up your face, stupid bird!
I'd smoke some cheese dip
I'm flabbergasted at my permission to impregnate every time machine
A break from Texas? I am not ashamed!
I love that Chris Brown beat PEPSI at church Sunday. I'm going to carry on a hotel in Egypt.
This burger is business lingo for an 8-ball
Still laughing about animal rights for years.
England Dan & Bob Marley shared a coat made of local rock
You motherfuckers are my solar plexus!