I finally have some concrete evidence to back up my specious claim that Conor Oberst is an idiot

This is already two months out of date, since Conor Oberst, a.k.a. Bright Eyes, performed his little protest song on "The Tonight Show" a couple of months ago, but I just stumbled across the video of it last night. I'm going to provide the lyrics for you, and comment on them. I feel I'm somewhat vindicated for my embarrassing, poorly written, ill-conceived, childish rant against Bright Eyes back in March on this site. In fact, they're almost cousins, my stupid post and his stupid song, for, while they attack worthy targets (Bright Eyes in my case and George W. Bush in his), they ultimately condemn their authors more than their objects of scorn and protest due to their inarticulate, whiny artlessness. The comparison is otherwise incorrect in that I am not so bad and he is a total dumbfuck. On to the lyrics, and my damning condemnation. Hopefully, he will retire after reading my shaming of him. Oh, will his face be red.

"When the President Talks to God" by Bright Eyes

When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women's rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?

Let's ponder this first verse. Read the second line. It's completely useless. He's already singing throwaway, meaningless lines before he gets to the real meat of his song. What fucking difference does it make whether the conversations are brief or long? He's already marking time. Let the artless soapboxing continue. The third line: How the hell do you rape rights? It's nonsense, but we can infer what he's getting at. Women's rights are being destroyed, blah, blah, blah. If he cares that much about women, why does he refer to them as "our women"? Odd, isn't it? The word "our" implies ownership of these women and, unintentional though it may be, is a far more extreme position than any our current leader W. has put forth. Apparently, whether subliminally or overtly, he feels the country's female population belongs to Saddle Creek Records. On the sunny side, ladies, you may be passed around like currency between Conor and members of The Faint and The Good Life, but he will make sure your rights aren't raped. Next line: Bush "sends poor farm kids off to die." What condescending faux-pity from a privileged urbanite. We're both from the farm-spattered state of Nebraska, so this dick-nut should know better. The age of the small family farm is near-dead. There are still a handful in each town, but the vast majority of farms and ranches are now owned by corporations or wealthy families. This line also implies that these poor farm kids aren't smart enough to know what they're getting into and explicitly makes known that Mr. Oberst must speak for every last one of them for they cannot speak for themselves. I imagine their being sent off to die has less to do with them being farmers and more to do with them being motherfucking teenagers when they sign up for the military. Also, a lot of poor city kids are going over there, too, Ass Eyes, but the line "send poor city kids off to die" doesn't have quite the propagandistic pizzazz, does it? This line is the equivalent of hugging a retard for the benefit of a cheerleader you want to fuck. Alas, I have no time for the absurd oil hike line or why it's in the same verse as farm kids and women's rights.

When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?

This is fake-ass poetry from a non-poet. My consonants are soft, Conor. Soft and flaccid. They can't get hard. Can't....get.....hard. Condemning Bush for making every issue black and white is funny coming from a song that does the exact same thing. Being tails instead of heads doesn't stop you from being a coin.

When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?

Finally, Oberst attacks Bush for specific, documented reasons, though still artless in his delivery. Points immediately lost, however, for attempting to rhyme "concealed" with "killed" and "filled."

When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends

You've got the fucking Downing Street memo at your disposal and you're wasting time blaming Bush for liquor stores and cocaine in the ghetto? Maybe he's responsible for the Watts riots, too? With all we've got on this cocksucker, why make up shit?

When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God

The "near beer" thing is a lazy cheapshot at a recovering alcoholic, even if that alcoholic is the asshole who's currently ruining our country. It's like criticizing Mussolini for eating too much cake. Come on, jerk, you've got a lot of ammo. Why are you wasting it shooting at empty cans? Also, Bush doesn't want to convert Muslims. He wants to kill them. Get it straight.

When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?

The whole song is based on a lie when the truth is right there acting crazier than shit, so I don't get why he doesn't choose the latter. Bush is a fundamentalist, or at least he pretends to be to get votes, which amounts to the same thing if it's influencing legislation, but he's never once said that he actually "talks to God." He's never said that he and God have regular conversations. He did say that he thought God wanted him to be president, which is even nuttier. So why not write a song about that? Or better yet, act like an artist if you are one. Don't tell us exactly what you think so we can feel congratulated if we think the same thing. This is a pamphlet, not a song, and not a very good one.

I doubt it

I doubt it

What a jerk.